Late night confessions from a homeless facebook page admin

There have been many times during these almost five years that i thought that this page would be better off closed. I’ve second and fiftieth guessed the name, thinking it was all wrong, but kept it and stumbled on… even though many have abandoned the ‘occupy’ name — occupy said to occupy the things that we cared about, hence this name — i was homeless before they surprised the world with their message, i was homeless for most of the time that they engaged the world, was housed for a brief moment and then homeless again. This pattern repeats for most homeless folks, if you didn’t know.
What else should i occupy, but the things that i know? hahaha, what sort of nut sits in a cold and leaky tent, keeping a facebook page going on an old cell phone? Who writes and works offline on a laptop saving work and posts, waiting for an opportunity to “occupy” a motel room with the priority being it has wifi – the shower and bed are going to be there, but the internet connection was my single thought! I worry that i’ve become obsessed, then i remember that someone must speak for all of the invisible ones, the forgotten ones… and my words pour out, so they might as well go to some use – you’ve helped me to write more clearly, an unexpected byproduct of this work i do… thank you for that too.
Tonight, we got our 931st page like! Another fan, she makes the 18th new ‘fan’ for the last 7 days! There were months that we didn’t see 18 page views! Idk about all of our other admins here (5 in total) but these things humble me at best, and amaze me beyond my ability to say.
Even as i say that i’ve learned to write a little better, i know that this is a rambling mess that i’m working through.. it comes from my heart.. a heart broken by the stories that i hear, the stories that i live…
a secret, that i’m surprised that no one has asked me/us here – people on the streets contact us from time to time… they are in a scary place and have no one to talk with and all i have are words to give… all i can say is ‘i know’ and ‘me too’… it breaks my heart and i can’t keep that stuff inside of me, so i let it leak out on this page and other places — sorry for the times that i rage accusations — be grateful that it doesn’t happen more often… know that i literally scream those words and try to do so far from any ears — but there’s always some misery that i’m carrying and it leaks, no, it bleeds onto these pages…
hahahaha, i sometimes bitterly think that you folks are hanging around, like some folks slow to look at a car wreck, to see this train wreck of a person hunt and peck his way through some other thing.. then one or three of you will empathize in amazing ways and speak love words – your ‘likes’ comfort me and my sweet helper, J….., know as gnat1ette on these pages and that’s enough to cause us to keep this going a moment longer. A moment longer.
At this point, we’re awaiting critical mass. The tipping point. That moment when *Everything changes* and a social movement blooms from the crap we’ve seen and spoken about. Is that soon? What happens then?
We dream of a big old farm house or at least a large chunk of farmable land for our tent or yurt and space enough that any needful soul can pitch a tent in that safe place too… the only requirement being the desire to help farm and feed others in need… i jokingly call it ‘Hundred Acre Wood’ or ‘Misfit Island’, either would work.
….this isn’t the first time that i’ve sat somewhere and written disjointed thoughts for this page, but this may be the first time that i hit ‘publish’ instead of delete. There is an emptyish blog for this page, but it scares me — writing in general scares me — i used to be a little shy and a lot insecure, that got burned away while i walked this long path. Maybe i should cut/paste this to that blog, no one knows the address, it may never be seen 🙂
Ok, here goes – #931 aka ‘Kim’ our newest page ‘like’, this post is a hello and an introduction and an apology, inspired by your seemingly random like. Yes, Poet Christopher, i saw you click that Like button too and yes, your beauty inspires me to bravery…
It’s lightened my heart sharing this, don’t let these words bring you down.. Smile and be glad with me that many are listening and collectively we’ll figure out how to make a difference..
With Love and Gratitude, gnat